Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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