my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize