"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
