Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
