He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize