I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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