he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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