hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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