dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
