Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
