WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
