I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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