Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
