i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
pray to the hookup gods
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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