I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone signed my nipple.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize