lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
