last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize