apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize