Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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