this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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