You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
