Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's never too late to be topless.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize