those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
