apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
