you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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