For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
