Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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