i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When did angry sex become our thing?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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