finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
