I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
