Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Four minutes until I can fart!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
