Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
