Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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