Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize