You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
