I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
