the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
