While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
