Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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