Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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