I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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