I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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