Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
