hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
