the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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