Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
