You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
