fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Randomize
