her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
