I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
