i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
