my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
