You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize