I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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