Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
