I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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