I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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