hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
