**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
