I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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