Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize