We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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