I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
