i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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