I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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