they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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