Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
