i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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