Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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