TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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