WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
