i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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