Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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