the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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