so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I understand Curling. That high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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