You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
