don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
