would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
