Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
