god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
