I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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