Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
As shirtless as possible
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
