I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
