dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
