Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
