he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
