I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
