How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
